Breaking Pacts
Start with what you would normally cut, NaPoWriMo Day 3
someone said my name like a diagnosis and I didn’t correct them I said yes before I understood the cost that’s not true I understood enough persistent return to harm labdanum on the wrists thick / resin / animal heat something sealed too long I felt it happen and did not stop it This is what passes for normal. don’t ask what happened ask what’s still happening watch how quickly we turn on each other how cleanly how practiced sisterhood with a blade tucked behind it I’ve done it too in earlier versions of myself when I still believed I was the exception I took what wasn’t mine and called it alignment I let her trust me and watched her get smaller without interruption I stayed longer than I should have because I liked being chosen I told her I understood while she justified it out loud and I let her believe it No one will call this violence. the Phoenix ward fluorescent / no windows paper bracelet tightening with sweat 5150 hold for evaluation they said stabilization they meant reduction they said safety they meant silence some women are born with a way of knowing not learned arriving intact a sensitivity that maps a room instantly reads tone / fracture / hunger / intent they call it intuition they call it a gift a knowing at distance or pressed against the skin they trust it until they can’t women like this can read the temperature of a room before the door even opens know what will happen before it starts the speed of it the season of it who will break and when we move by it like it’s already decided because it is no one tells you you can lose it I’m telling you now you can it comes from imbalance from breaking pacts older than memory failure / distortion / collapse disconnected from the source a bird on the ground psychotropics at scheduled intervals orange bottle / chalky tongue speech accelerating then flattening three a.m. arguments with no exit every thought sharpening itself every word needing to land I tore through people with certainty talking until four in the morning refusing to let anything settle I called it clarity compliance achieved I became easier to manage not better gardenia somewhere in the hallway refusing to participate I did not stop when I should have stopped I mistook endurance for power I mistook access for right diminished baseline a working prayer: let me close the mouth before it destroys the room let me pull back before it costs me let me return what is not mine to carry let me leave before the damage organizes the knowing arrives with its own statutes keep the balance or the knowing does not return
Damn, this is fantastic on so many levels!! 🖤
Pacing impeccable -what kind of meat do you want?